Butt Envy

 

Exhibit A: BACK-LEG* 
*not my assets/stunt booty.  



When you are short like me, your Point of View is limited. I've seen thousands of Derrieres in my lifetime. I'd like to think I know what I'm talking about. 

I have a problem, it's called Butt Envy.  

Yes, Butt Envy. You see, I suffer from Back-Leg. I need tattooed lines on my lower back and upper thigh to mark where my rump shaker is SUPPOSE TO begin & end.

I lack the ba-donka-donk gene. I wish I had some sort of shape to them.

 

I have thought long and hard about this. I have a few theories just in case I happen to find someone in my gene pool who has some boot-tay.

• Doc got overzealous & smacked me too hard when I was born. 
• I fell too many times.
• I got spanked often growing up. 

 (let me again clarify, I wasn't a bad kid. just a stupid one. I got caught alot.)

   

I am tormented every time I hear, Baby Got Back. Sir Mix-A-Lot mocks me. The Thong song pisses me off.  I feel inadequate when I walk past peaches & apples in the produce section. I hate J-Lo, Apple Bottom jeans, booty shorts, ass-less chaps...(Sorry, I just watched Magic Mike). 



There are other means of getting the butter beans.  I could go the Silicone implant route. But then what happens when I'm an old lady? I'll probably shrink to the point where by cheeks will be dragging on the ground.

I can hear the children sing:

Does your butt hang low?

Does it wobble to and fro? 

Can you  tie it in a knot or tie it a bow?

Can you throw it over your shoulder like a Continental Soldier?

Does your butt hang low?

Ewww!  No thank you, I pass.

 

What it must be like to
have a nut cracker ass.

Being that I'm incredibly busy with work I've been watching the Crossfit Games on YouTube.  What super human athletes! Lord have mercy, the volume of eye candy! 

Heck, I am the Captain for team Hetero but I totally get why guys dig Crossfit chicks. Annie Thordottir could probably crack open a few walnuts with those glutes! Yeah you know what I'm talkin' 'bout!

Uh wait, give me a minute, feel a little dirty.  I need to watch a little Rich Froning.  Be right back....

Ah, much better....Now where was I? Oh yeah, Biscuit Building....



Strangely inspired, I'm adding another entry to the ever expanding RFM Goal List.  Plus, I'm tired of people mistakenly smacking  or pinching my back!

___  Be able to do unmodified pull-ups (Like Shauna)

___  Power Clean properly. (Not looking @ Bumper every time, I do it.)

___  Do more than 1 Double Under

___  Create some junk in my trunk



With every squat, box jump, run, I will be focused! I will look like I'm going to stroke out but don't bother me I have a TON of work to do!

If I look dazed & confused I'm just in my happy place where.....

Kanye West's "Gold Digger" video is playing...

The faint sound of BBD chorus, "Smack up, flip it, rub it down oh noooo" as background music.....

Visions of me not having to pull up my jeans.

Hearing my friends say, "Girl, your butt looks good in them jeans."

Get my drift? I understand it takes work. Anything worth having does. I'm not lazy, that's why I'm at RFM. 

Crossfit definitely will help my quest to turn my gluteus minimus turn into a gluteus maximus.

It's monday, let's bring on the pain! I've got to build up my assets!

With that boys & girls, I leave you with this parting shot.  ENJOY!

Even the President likes the booty.

Blog ya later,

Kathy